Step One: Believe in Yourself

That’s what I’ve been working on right now. After a successful first week transitioning to Austin (finding an amazing apartment, landing couple of interviews, exploring the trail and going to great tech meetups), I found myself going into a job interview for the same job that I had prior. Long story short, it made me very discouraged as I considered a job with a higher pay but lower spirits.  I was reasoning to myself that “I can finally afford that woven chair that would look good in the patio.

But I realize, I wasn’t listening in my goals and desires nor did I believe in myself.

What does it even mean to believe in yourself?! Right after the interview, I called my friend/mentor to calibrate my spirits. A simple reminder than I am inspiring and I am worth it is enough. But to be reminded that I belong in the same room as much as everyone else is necessary. I can be part of the conversation! I don’t have to be a fly on the wall. I may be just a beginner, outsider, minority, or whatever, but those are just labels created to put me down. I believe in myself.

Self-doubt has a way of rippling outwards, perpetuating the closed-loop of more doubt. That paralyzing and greedy inner voice will do what ever it takes to devour confidence and leave no room for logic nor reason. ending the happiness that we worked so hard to realize and achieve.

When we fall outside of our comfort zone or strive to do something great, we fall out of invincibility. We stop believing in our worth.

I’ve been learning how to tame this beast called self-doubt. It starts by being present. Take time to pay attention and listen to how we feel and how we react to things. With a little understanding, self-knowledge and confidence, we start to understand the root causes of our insecurities and take the necessary and active steps to address our fear.

As a consultant in my old job, I learned that there are always ways to do something better. Everything has an opportunity for growth, even in ourselves. Especially in ourselves.

Unemployment aka this darn thing I once called gainful sabbatical, in all it’s beauty, has its ups and downs. I’m learning how to be patient with myself, really listening to the reasons why I quit my job. Yes, that means not returning back to my old job. Give myself some time to breathe. Realize that everything in life comes because our believe that they are possible. I’ve come this far. We’ve all come this far!

So make that necessary trip in front of the mirror and repeat after me: I believe in myself and I am a strong independent woman who belongs in spaces and conversation that I put myself in as much as anyone else. I believe in myself, therefore I make things possible.

We have two ears and one mouth

I tend to be cut and dry when it comes to learning certain things. I can say I’m a pretty good listener but being an effective listener was another. It didn’t help to have a very logic/analytic brain that I’m quick to problem-solving and not thoroughly aware of the fact that I opine unwantedly and completely be blind to the emotions.

With the help of an actual lynda.com Effective Listening course, I was able to dissect the conversation I had with my partner last night and realize the true focus of the problem. Yes, we had an argument and I took an online course to be better listener. It helps! There are appropriate ways to respond to a speaker and demonstrate how to listen effectively.

Knowing what my strengths and weaknesses were in comes to listening allowed me to focus on the true intention and purpose of listening and start creating good habits.

  • Always and primarily paraphrase the content and emotion of what the speaker has been talking about. Being able to offer a quick summary is the easiest way to show that you have been actively listening. Don’t focus too much on the details, and ask frustrating questions. Don’t make it about yourself. The speaker has been vulnerable enough to come to us. Don’t be quick to criticize and provide advice without being asked. We are always trying to learn something from what the speaker has to say.
  • It’s important to clarify your role as a listener at the beginning of the conversation. Asking the speaker “Do you just want to vent?” or “Are you asking for my advice?” can help us be the listener the speaker needs us to be. We have to be aware of our mental filters, before we start prioritizing what we need to know and start criticizing them about the things that don’t fully align with our thinking.
  • Mirroring is the best way to empathize. By  listening and paraphrasing what we listen to in the similar tone, body language, we start to fully understand the speaker. By sitting in the same posture as they are, we can relate to the emotional state of the speaker.
  • Silence is golden. The quieter you become, the more you can hear. When we sit there in silence, we are to say “I am here with you 100%”.
  • Practice, practice, practice by deliberately practicing we can be effective listeners. Or else, it’ll be really emotionally straining. GUH. Like me rn.

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